Loss

I lost someone with whom I work recently.  This was so completely unexpected that I was in total shock when I heard the news.  She was a beautiful person, not at all sick or ailing.  A loss like this sickens and angers me.  It is just so pointless.

She had dreams, she had goals for her life, and now none of them will happen for her.  I wake up dreaming of seeing her at work.  She is walking by surrounded by her friends, but her smile is frozen, like it was in the memorial picture.  I just can't seem to bring myself to believe that she is really gone.  I can't imagine that her life is really over and that none of those dreams will come true for her.  It seems like she is off visiting relatives or on vacation or something.  It helps me understand why some people think it is so important to see the person's body in their casket.  There is nothing quite so final as seeing that person in that state.  It is complete that that person's soul, what makes them who they are, is no longer there.  I didn't get to see her.  I didn't get to say goodbye.

I miss her.