Changes

I've never been someone who likes or looks forward to changes.  They are often disruptive to your finances, digestion, comfort, and personally my mental sense of stability.  Therefore, I try to avoid them, delay them, and at all costs evade them.  If I could stick my head in the sand and just ignore the signs around me I would.  I would plod along, happy in my chosen ignorance, seemingly oblivious to the impending doom that is change.  Yet, no one wants everlasting winter, and we would all eventually tire of ongoing summer.  Therefore, sometimes change is a thing to look forward to.

There are certain conditions for me, though.  I want to see the change coming.  No one wants a tornado to hit without being forewarned about it, so it is for me with change.  I realize this can't be controlled for with everything, but it can with some things.  I've been told recently that I am someone who likes to wade in to change, but that is not always the case.  I can jump when it is time, but at this point it just feels too late to be jumping.  I want to be able to gather as much information as possible, otherwise, how do I know if I am leaping in the right direction.

A boss I once had described me as someone who over-thinks things, but then I thought that she could stand to think things through a bit more before acting upon them.  To each their own.  If I am going to be thinking of making a major change, I want to do it weighing all variables, especially as I have multiple motivations for wanting to think of making a change to begin with, and each one carrying a significant weight for me.  My one fear in all of this is that in some way considering this change will in some way negatively impact me should I choose not to do it.  This may seem irrational, but stranger things have happened.

I'll also admit that there is a part of me that is hesitant as to if this really is something that I want at all.  I know I will have to make a change eventually anyway, but is this really the right one?  It isn't the only avenue open to me, and I want to be sure that I am looking at what I am giving up as a possibility before I cast it aside.  I don't see that as dragging my feet really, or avoiding the change.  I see it as attempting to jump from one tightrope to another while balancing all of the priorities of life.  This is not a move to be made when you are off balance, which is what I have been lately.  I am likely to make a wrong move and be unhappy with it, though not making a move is also a choice, and also one that I could be unhappy with.