Progress

I have been bombarded with changes and adjustments over the past few months.  It has been a wonderful exercise in patience and tolerance, more with myself than others.  It is part of what I was missing before.  I used to have it, but the managerial-type position that I was in just didn't seem to allow me to use those skills, or was it that I wasn't allowing myself to use them. 


I know that people can make changes without changing their circumstances, but it is so very difficult to do without some form of catalyst.  It doesn't have to be uprooting oneself, it doesn't even have to be major change of any variety, but it can help when you are unable to make the movement begin in any other way.


I am glad for the changes that I made several months ago.  I have made strides and strides of progress in feeling more myself, stronger and more confident, while maintaining patience and tolerance. The anger and rage that were burning through me have gone down to embers.  That is a fire I have always had in me, and it can rise up again in a moments notice.  I've always been a little afraid of that part of me, never entirely trusting that I would be able to maintain control once it started getting too intense.  There may be something to that idea of embracing your emotions, but I think that can go too far.  I don't know. 


I am trying to find a balance.  With help at home, so much help, I am on my way.  The goal being that I will be able to dust off some other dreams and be able to pursue them while maintaining other areas of my life.  I am so eternally grateful that I have a partner in my life who is willing to pitch in and help in any and every way possible to help me make this happen. 


I finally feel like I am moving forward, and in a way where I can flow with the river instead of struggling upstream against boulders and logs continually thrown in the way.


Just keep swimming.