How hard is it to make changes in my life? Very hard. I can't seem to make them stick. I aim to change my diet, and I fall right back into my old patters. I try to increase the amount of exercise I get, and it is simply more work than I want to put in some days. The question I continually come back to is how to make the needed changes that I want to make sustainable.
I don't have any easy answers. I have read that if I change my outlook, and slowly attempt to view the undesirable things as desirable, and visa versa, that those foods and actions and so forth will change in my mind making those changes permanent. My question is, just how long is that supposed to take?! How many months, years, and decades?
I want to live a healthy balanced life, but I also want cake, pie, ice cream, lazy days, and to simply do what I want when I want to at times without having to worry about the consequences. I knew a girl once who thought my eating habits ridiculous. I was sitting with her, eating a bleu cheese burger and fries, and she was eating an ice-burg lettuce salad with a wedge of lemon squeezed over the top. She looked at my food and said, "Doesn't eating that make you feel so fat?"
"No." I replied, and took a giant bite out of my burger. She watched me for a moment before taking a bite of her salad and saying,
"Mmm. This is so good!"
I'm not sure if she was lying to me, to herself, or both of us. Who really wants to eat that? Not me. Let me be clear about this. I have nothing against salads. In fact, there are few things better than a really good, big salad. But I want mine made from green leaf lettuce(something with some actual vitamins and minerals in it, not just cell walls and water), and smothered in crisp, delicious toppings: chopped cucumber, julienne carrots, diced radishes, a cut up hard-boiled egg, some black pepper turkey, and lovely, creamy mozzarella cheese. All topped off with freshly made ranch dressing and ground pepper. What could be better?!
That's just the thing, though. I love that, when I want it. I don't know how to make myself believe that ice cream is this dreadfully sickly sweet concoction made from sour milk. For that matter, I don't know how to make myself believe that it isn't just about weight. I am not that overweight, and many people I know actually worry about me being too skinny, but then, they would fit in the obese category of the BMI scale. What is it really about then? It is about fitness, feeling good, having energy, and having a life that has a life to it, not just work at work and work at home.
How do we make ourselves believe this fully, truly and deeply? I don't know yet. That is part of what this blog is all about. I am trying to find my way to the smooth sailing path. The road where life throws things my way and I simply step around them instead of trying to fight them head-on. Every day that I write I feel like I get just a little closer to that, but I need to remember it is not an end destination that I seek. It is a path to the same final destination, just a smoother one that I have been on. I think the truth is that I am the path. It is I that chooses for it to be so rocky and have so many rapids. I create them for myself. My goal, then, is to smooth out the river that lies ahead as much as I am able. Not everything can I foresee, but the things that I can, I can deal with before they arrive, giving me the focus to address the unanticipated rapids that creep up without warning.
More ironing to come.
Thank you to the few who have read this blog. I hope some things that I have said resonate with you too, and if not, thanks for listening.
No comments:
Post a Comment