What is Life?

Today was a beautiful day.  I felt the breeze brush my skin, laying in the hammock with the ropes firmly holding me up, the sun warming me all the way through.  Reading, but still hearing a hummingbird’s wings.  Glancing up to see my favorite butterfly gliding by on dark, bright orange wings.  The first spangle of the summer.  It makes me feel like summer is truly here.  I can’t seem to believe that I really have work that I HAVE to do.  It feels like I am on vacation. 

But isn’t that what a weekend is supposed to be?  Most of the time it feels like two days to catch up on all the things I fell behind on during the week: the laundry, paperwork, researching, vacuuming, cooking, shopping, cleaning, just to get ready to go through the next week.  It is all a great preparation for the next workweek to come.  I feel like I am missing my life.  Where has the past year gone, and why don’t I remember it? 

That’s not what it is supposed to be.   We are supposed to feel like we are living a life.  That there is something other than work that we are about.  I always wanted a job like I have now, something meaningful that would make a difference in people’s lives.  And I’m thankful for, humbled by, and proud of my job.  I help make people’s lives better, or at least that’s what I try to do.  But, what about my life?  Am I meant not to have one because I am giving it up for others?  I don’t think that is the way it’s supposed to be.  It’s not the way I want it to be.

That is why, starting today, I am going to begin living my life not just for my job, but for me.  I am going to revel in the glory of being alive, and be aware of my moments as they are passing, for they will never come again.  I can never get them back, and neither can you.  We can choose to feel stuck in that little room called an office, or we can choose to be wrapped in the comforting arms of the life we have chosen for ourselves.  I will save something for me.  Time and energy, room to breathe, think and dream; this is where I will live my life.